The two famed caped crusaders of Gotham, one clad mostly in blue and grey, with pointed ears, and the other almost looking like a Christmas elf, were sneaking their way through a pathway underneath the city to find a master criminal. It also happened to be right near the sewer system of the city, unfortunately. “Holy stink-bombs, Batman! Why did we have to go to a place that smells so bad?”, the younger of the two exclaimed. The older crime-fighter advised his young ward, saying “Crime-fighting is not always roses, Robin, remember that. Be glad we aren’t actually treading water.”

Meanwhile, at the other end of the pathway, after turning a corner, two overall-wearing, mustachioed plumbers, one shorter and red-clad, the other taller and green-clad, were having their own conversation. “Mama-mia! What kind of-a pipe did-a Bowser send us down, Mario?” The shorter fellow responded back “I don’t-a know, Luigi, but-a the important thing is-a finding our way back-a!” The Mario Brothers kept walking, hoping to find someone who could help them around the area, and back to the Mushroom Kingdom, as well.

Suddenly, the two duos managed to catch each other’s eyesight, and they soon started talking to, and about each other. “Hey, Mario, get a load of these-a costumed goofballs!” Luigi nudged his brother with his elbow while slightly muttering these words. Mario looked over and slightly laughed, but turned back to his brother and said “Luigi, they could-a help us, though.”

Batman and Robin simply stared at the two cartoonish Italians, and seemed confused. “Citizens, what seems to be the trouble? Are you two working here in the sewers?” Batman said as he looked straight ahead towards the two mustache men. “We’re-a lost!” Luigi shouted. Mario looked kind of sternly towards his younger brother. “What-a my brother’s trying to say is that we were-a transported by this-a big turtle guy to here, and now we’re-a trying to go back to the Mushroom-a Kingdom.”

Batman and Robin looked suspiciously towards them, then to each other. “Mushroom Kingdom? Holy hippies, Batman! These are pretty clearly some drug addicts who somehow got lost in the sewers! Maybe they could even be working for that dastardly villain we were trying to track down.” “Don’t be so hasty, Robin, what they’re saying could be true. Even us regular crime-fighters have tracked down some odd things before. Let’s hear them out. Maybe we could help them…”

Just then, Luigi decided to throw a Koopa shell at Robin’s head, knocking him to the ground, then made a face and stuck his tongue out at the dynamic duo. Mario smacked his hand to his forehead, and looked somewhat frustrated with Luigi’s reckless, goofy behavior. Nevertheless, the two plumbers got into battle-ready stances, while the caped crusaders did the same.

YOU WANT TO GET NUTS?

COME ON, LET’S GET NUTS!

Luigi hopped towards Robin, and Robin was ready to strike him, but Luigi caught him off guard by leaping upwards and then jumping on his head. Luigi bounced off to the other side as Robin fell to the ground, feeling rather dizzy. “Holy head-trauma!”, said the bruised Boy Wonder, sitting on the ground and trying to get a hold of himself.

On the other end of the fight, Batman tosses a Batarang at Mario, smacking him around a bit with the boomerang-like motion. Mario slammed into a wall, but then jumped off of it and went into a leaping kick and counter-attacked the Bat, with a boot to the head. Batman fell onto Robin, almost squashing the poor boy, but then got up and started spinning him around. Robin was still a bit dizzy, and this didn’t help, but he still kicked his legs outward for this tag-team attack, smacking away at Mario and Luigi at multiple angles.

Luigi had enough of being kicked around, so he went ahead and fished out one of his plumbers’ tools. Unfortunately for him, it ended up being a plunger, but he stepped back and decided to make the best of it. He took a plunger to Batman’s face, then decided to try and kick off of him. Unfortunately the plunger was stuck to Batman’s face, so this was not so easy. Batman dropped Robin to the ground, and also was trying to pull the plunger off of his face.

Robin got up and went to sock Mario in the jaw, catching the portly plumber off guard. Mario responded by pulling out a hammer to slam Robin away, but at the same time, Batman had finally gotten the plunger off of his face, but in a way that had sent him and Luigi flying in opposite directions. Luigi was embedded into a wall, while Batman had flown off into the path of Mario’s hammer swing, and got sent to the ceiling.

Batman got stuck up there, via his pointy ears, but he pulled out his grappling gun and tried to pull himself out. “A lot of problems with getting stuck today…”, he muttered under his breath. The grapple gun ended up grabbing Luigi’s butt, unfortunately, and this shocked Luigi enough to where he decided to shock back. Luigi charged his hand with electricity, then sent it up the grapple line. The electricity travelled up to Batman and shook him enough to fall down, with some concrete still on top of his head.

Mario and Robin were in the middle of trading blows, with punches and kicks flying about, and even a few stray fireballs and gas grenades. But this would soon come to a halt as Batman fell down onto both of them. After the collision, and a resulting cloud of dust, cleared up, the three heroes stumbled around, trying to regain their footing.

Meanwhile, Luigi had just popped away from the wall, dusted himself, and was walking forward, humming a random Mario tune. He looked over at his dizzy brother, though, and suddenly got worried. He tossed Mario a mushroom to make him feel better, but this did even more than that. Suddenly, Mario became an absolute giant, and Batman and Robin looked on in shock. Mario tried to stomp on the two caped crusaders, but luckily, Batman had a trick up his sleeve.

Bats pulled out an aerosol can and sprayed it onto the oncoming giant foot. Suddenly, Mario shrank back to normal, and fell on his ass, harmlessly for Batman and Robin. “Gee, Batman, what was that?” “It was my ‘Bat-Giant Shrinker’ Repellent. You never know when you’ll need to get rid of a giant.”


Mario and Luigi were both pretty frustrated by this plot convenience, and decided to pull out an explosive secret weapon. The two brothers winded up, then tossed forward, two bombs, or Bob-Ombs, rather, at Batman and Robin. Gotham’s two heroes managed to catch the bombs, but were suddenly in a frenzy, as they tried to climb out of the sewers and dispose of the bombs safely. Mario and Luigi soon followed, though they had an easier time getting out via wall-jumping.

Batman and Robin had made their way back to the surface, and they looked around to try to find where they could get rid of these bombs. Certainly not the park, where families were having a picnic right near a nice river with some ducks swimming around in it. And certainly not the church, where a nun was leading in several little girls in yellow hats and dresses. And certainly not the veterinary hospital, where a doctor was rushing in some injured puppies, kittens, and, uhh, hamsters, I guess. “Some days you just can’t get rid of a bomb, right, Batman?” “Holy déjà vu, Robin…”

Suddenly they saw that the criminal they were trying to catch, Dr. Mustache [which may be why they thought Mario and Luigi could’ve been working for him], was making a getaway in his Mustache-Mobile. The car had an open top, but soon it’d have no top whatsoever, as the caped crusaders threw out some grapple lines to get back the bags of money and disposable razors that Dr. Mustache had stolen, and soon exchanged it by tossing the bombs into his backseat. Dr. Mustache turned around and gasped, not even noticing that he was about to crash into two other mustached-men.

Mario and Luigi leapt up and yelled in fear, as they were suddenly caught up in an explosive collision that sent them flying in the air. “Wa-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-haaaaaaaa!” was the sound they both made as they fell to the ground in front of Batman and Robin. Meanwhile, Dr. Mustache fell unconscious on the road, as parts of his car were scattered all over the place, with a piece of a tire spinning in front of him. Since Mario and Luigi were still conscious, albeit smoky and beat up, they seemed to be a more immediate concern to the dynamic duo.

Batman and Robin picked up the two plumbers and tried to dust them off. “So, were you two working with Dr. Mustache?” Robin said as he punched his fist into his other hand. Mario turned his head and shouted “No!” “I guess that’s good enough for now,” said Batman. “These two gentlemen are clearly dazed, and perhaps we should actually get them some help.” “Right, Batman!” Batman and Robin walked Mario and Luigi to the Batmobile, and along with Dr. Mustache, made their way to the police station. Soon Mario and Luigi would help clear everything up, and even get to go back home. How that happens, I don’t know.

Still, it seems…

THE WINNERS ARE BATMAN AND ROBIN